16 December 2011

You Know You're A Newbie Offshore Helicopter Pilot When...

1.  Your sortie cannot be written off in the authorisation sheets as "Cancelled Due To Weather".

2. You are expected to track navigational aids' radials outbound to your destination rather than look for a bridge or a valley or a limestone bluff that leads the way there.

3.  The popular question, "What's the name of that village down there at three o'clock low??" has been replaced by "What's the name of that rig?"

4.  You've stopped worrying about See-Fit or Controlled Flight Into Terrain (CFIT). In other words, you're not so worried about slamming into the side of a hill when encountering poor visibility.

5.  You've forgotten what the world looks like when  the horizon cuts your windscreen at a 45-degree angle of bank or the joy of skimming at treetop height over a hundred knots.

6.  On base leg to land in a violent crosswind you cannot overbank past 25 degrees to intercept the extended runway centreline for the sake of the passengers' comfort, so you overshoot said centreline and offer them the scenic landing of the runway to either the right or left of the aircraft.

7.  Your safety consciousness says the pilot who buries his head in the cockpit may one day be buried in the cockpit, BUT...you still have to bury your head in the cockpit sometimes as you do the paperwork for the passengers and payload for each destination platform.

8.  Ninety percent of the time, you're flying straight in the dead centre of a cumulus instead of doglegging randomly to get around it and you're not sure how much it bothers you...or not.

9.  You call out V1 and VToss and Vy instead of counter flapback and inflow roll, translational lift and above critical speed in a take-off run.

10.  The best brandname you have is a BHPC GMT, while your passengers unanimously wear Oakley, Tissot, Deuter and Red Wing.
11.  You meet your passengers off duty at the same restaurant where you slurp down kuey teow soup while they buy themselves a lobster...each.

12.  Pilot and passengers alike have congregated at the row of urinals in the mens' room 5 minutes before rotor engagement.